i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
