Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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