I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
