Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
