He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
