I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
