I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
40s are totally the cure
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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