Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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