I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
