I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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