At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I will be naked everywhere
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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