She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
