I will die if light touches me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize