My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
