I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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