I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
