she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
