I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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