cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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