i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
