she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
