About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize