her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
