I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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