he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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