dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
