I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
