Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize