I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
