You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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