tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
