My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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