just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
