We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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