He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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