i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We're too hungover to prance.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize