I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
