is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
