hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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