She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
