I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize