just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
