I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
