im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize