I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
