I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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