Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
