i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
