Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
