Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
