remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
