Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
