her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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