Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
