im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
