So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
