somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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