I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
