Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
