I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she smelled like a LAN party
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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