he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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