dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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