so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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