he was CRYING into my vagina
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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