My room smells like vodka and shame
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
