Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
