Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You took a bar mat shot.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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