Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
